| Promises |
[Sep. 27th, 2004|10:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Tide- The Spill Canvas | ] |
I broke the promise I held closest to my heart. I hurt the girl I love, the girl I would die for, the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't deserve to live. But I have to, because if I don't it will hurt her even more. I have become what I hate the most. People hate me and I accept that. But I can't live with her hating me. I think she still loves me, even if she can't trust me anymore. I can barely trust myself. I've messed up big this time, all I can do now is hope. But I do love her, I love her with all my hear and soul and will go to the ends of the Earth to bring her back, I've lost her once I'm not going to lose her again. |
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| Suz's Friend's Survey |
[Aug. 22nd, 2004|12:02 am] |
Have you ever?
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1. Been Kissed: yes
2. Done drugs: nope, not saying I wouldn't though
3. Eaten an entire box of Oreos? nope
4. Eaten sushi? yep
5. Been on stage: I'm rarely not on one
6. Been dumped: yes
7. Has someone been unfaithful to you: i've never asked
8. Gotten in a car accident: yes
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Either/Or
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9. Cold or hot: cold
10. Blue or Red: red
11. Rain or snow: snow
12. Give or receive: give
13. Wool or cotton: cotton
14. Rose or daisy: rose
15. Private school or public school: public school
16. Chocolate or plain milk: plain
17. Celsius or Fahrenheit: Celsius
18. Spring or fall: Fall
19. History or Science: History!
20. Math or English: Math
21. Alternative or Country: Alternative
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Opposite sex
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22. Do you like someone right now from the opposite sex? yes
23. Do they know? yes
24. What do you look for in a woman or man? Pretty, but not too beautiful when, they're too beautiful they think of them first and you second. And she has to be athletic, someone I can hit fly balls to and she'll catch every one of them. Someone who goes to movies, read books, and see plays, and we'll never run out of conversation.
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Your Friends
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25. Who's your funniest friend? Kenny
26. Who makes you laugh/smile the most? Suz!
27.Best Friend? Baldwin
28. Who's the shyest? Adam Kendrick (when it comes to girls)
29. Whose parents do you know the best? Maddy's
30. Who are you jealous of? Married people, and people old enough to get married.
31. Who has the best room? Suz?
****************************************************************
Within the last 24 hours
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32. Had a serious talk? yep
33. Hugged someone? yes
34. Gotten along with your parents? ish
35. Fought with a friend? no
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Do you like to
**************************************************************
36. Give hugs? yes!
37. Give back rubs? all the time, but people rarely recipricate
38. Take walks in the rain? i want to
39. What WILL you do this summer? you have no idea
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Which one of your friends?
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40. Is most likely to grow up to be a singer? pass
41. Which one knows most about you: Everyone
42. Is most likely to become a comedian: Baldwin
43. Have you known the longest: Most equally
44. Do you know most about: Suz
45. Who will send this back the quickest: unessecery question
46. Best friends: Baldwin
47. Always in trouble: Maddy
48. Most likely to end up in jail: tried, but not found guilty
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Have you Ever
**************************************************************
49. Been to a concert: deffinatly
50. Loved someone so much it made you cry: yes, actually done it
51. Cheated on a test: no
52. Bought something and then saw it cheaper somewhere else? always
53. Stolen Something: yes
54. Stalked someone: no
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Love
**************************************************************
55. Single or Hooked: Hooked and whipped
56. Do you have any anniversaries? August 3rd 12:12 AM
57. Parents anniversary? The hell if I know
58. Who is your biggest crush: Suz... but it's ot exactly a crush if we're together
59. If you were gonna go out with anyone who would it be: I do and it's Suz
60. Have you had a lot of bf's/gf's: Far to many
61. Have you ever had an online relationship? yes, but i met them in person first, they just lived far away **************************************************************
Others
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62. What is your worst habit: poor descision making
63. What really makes you mad: Dumb people
64. Scariest moment: nearly falling down Hollywood Rapid
65. Happiest moment: whenever I'm thinking about Suz
66. Do you swear too much: Not too much, I could do it more
67. How do you feel about homosexuals: Let people love whoever they want, male or female, or animal, or inanimate objects, don't try to understand the matters of the heart.
68. Do u dress like a slut/prep/snob/sporty/or just plain: whatever Emma and Suz tell me to wear
**************************************************************
NOW
**************************************************************
69. When was the last time you showered? This mornin
70. What color pants do you have on right now? Pants?
71. What song are you listening to right now? nothing at the moment
72. What is the last thing that you said? last thing that you said
73. What is your computer desk made of? wood
74. What are the last 4 digits in your phone number? 1186
75. What was the last thing you ate? pork and baked potatos
76. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Black, a mixture of all colors and emotions
77. Who would you want to spend the rest of your life with: SUZANNE CASEY
78. Do you have a lava lamp? yes
79. How many buddies do you have on your list? 200
80. What did you do last night? Drafted
81. Last person that you talked to on the phone? Suzanne, I'm talking to her now
82. What's the nicest thing you find about the opposite sex? intellegence
83. Who do you admire most? Suz
84. What is the nicest present you've gotten this year: a smile
85. How do you eat an OREO? wet
86. Fav M&M? peanut
87. Who makes you happy? Suz
88. Fave CD? Lippa's Wild Party (right now)
89. Height? 6'
90. Are you a loser? yep
91. Last CD you bought: Assassins (2004)
92. Have you ever won any special awards? yes
93. What do you want to be when you grow up? Anthing that has to do with theater, or a lawyer
94. What are your future goals: Stay in love, be sucessful
95. If you were an animal what would you be? A hawk |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2004|10:47 pm] |
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I LOVE SUZANNE CASEY, that's all that really matters. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 14th, 2004|11:54 am] |
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Another week of rehersal goes by, another week towards me needing to be off book, and another week till opening as well as the begining of school. As usual I've spent most of this past week, rehersaing or being with Suzanne. Tonight I'm going to the Top Hats at Ft. Lee with the hope that the 7 Brothers will beat out Brian Vaughn for Best Supporting Actor(s). Unlikely shot. I'm not going to be able to see Suz tomarrow :-( that makes me sad. But I'll see her Monday. Well thats the update. Peace out. |
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| Wonderful Weekend |
[Aug. 8th, 2004|09:50 pm] |
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I spent yet another wonderful weekend with the girl I'm in love with. Friday, we got SPARC kids to go see The Robber Bridegroom at the Dell. It was a good production of a decent show. Then Emma, Drew and Suz, spent the night at my house. We got LOTS of inside jokes out of that night. Like cats on the computer, attacking hamsters, and Secrataries, that are toys. Sat. I spent the morning with Suzanne, then she had to go to work, so I walked around Maymont with Emma. Then I taught Emma how to drive a manual car, she's not that bad, she learned faster than I did. But there is somthing to be said about a good teacher. She drove us home in my car, then I had dinner with her family, which was fun. The we went to harass Suz at Brewsters, and she got off work early and the three of us went to Spiderman the Musical at Comedy Alley, cuz it was Drew's last preformance. It was good, I enjoyed it, it wasn't your typical night at the theater. Then Emma and I spent the night at Suz's house because we went to church with her the next morning. Going to chuch was interesting, it was an episcopal church which is different from what I'm used to. We did alot of kneeling. Well the service was over, then I took Emma home, then went to my own home for an hour before I left again to go to rehersal. Rehersal was fine. And now I'm back at home, waiting to see Suz tomarrow, it feels like an eternity. |
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| FINALLY |
[Aug. 3rd, 2004|11:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sounds of her voice in my head | ] |
I've just had the greatest two days and nights of my life. I've just spent an entire 48 hours with my beautiful, wonderful, sweet, sassy, and great girlfriend. Whom I love dearly. I can't stand being away from her, I just want to hold her and kiss her, every second of every day. I want to hold her in my arms every night. I want to tell her I love her. And hear her say it back. I hear her say it back and bad that has ever happened to me goes away, the only thing I can think about it her. I am so happy right now, I'm down right giddy. This one, is the one I want to be with. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2004|12:45 am] |
I have been walking on air for the past couple of days. Every bumpy patch in the road of my life that has occured within the past few weeks have all been smoothed out. I've been extremely happy and content. I can only hope it stays this way or get better. We'll see how things go from here.
-I've never EVER been more sure of anything in my entire life. |
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| A Happy Entry (for once) |
[Jul. 25th, 2004|10:16 pm] |
Well, all is right with the world for once. And for once I'm not writing an entry that could be put to music and used as an emo song. The past few days have been fun. I went to lunch with Emma and Suzanne yesterday then we went to a few thrift shops where I found a cork waiter tray for Emma's mom. Then we went to Short Pump mall thingy where I spent copious amounts of money on new clothes because to hot girls made me put them on. Which I greatly appreciate. Then we said out goodbyes and went home. Once I got home I was promptly beckoned to go over to an X-Gf's house for a party, which didn't turn out so well. Lots of drama happened by the end, and she wasn't happy :-(. I stayed a lil while after to comfort her, then I went home cuz I had to. Today I worked at the Empire Theater on Footloose stuff for 6 hours, which wasn't that bad I learned alot. After that I went to my X-Gf's house again, to comfort her somemore, but she wasn't there, but I did end up talking to her mom about life an Philosophy for about two hours. She came home eventually and then I gaver her and her sister a ride to her sister's friend's house. Then I went to Barnes and Nobels and bought Assassins (which is amazing) and Caitlin saw me without me seeing her. I found my X-Gf's phone in my pocket, went back gave it to her mom, then came home and talked to friends.
And in closing. Caitlin is hot, and I'm glad Suzanne is my friend. |
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| A response to a comment |
[Jul. 23rd, 2004|06:50 am] |
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If I was full of shit why the hell would I take my time to write that. This journal is for me, not for all the people that are reading it. I write what I feel. Alot of people may not belive me but thats fine I could care less, I'm known as a whore in most of Chesterfield County. Little do you know I can care, I can have feelings about a girl. I would give up every fling I have ever had, and every fling I every will have for 6 months with a girl I truely care about, with one who truely cares about me. If you think I'm full of shit, then just fuck off, I don't give a damn about people that can't have sympathy for fellow human beings. I know I haven't been the best boyfriend to my past girlfriends, but I want to change, damnit do I want to change. Now, I just need the chance. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2004|10:52 pm] |
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Everytime I see you all I want to do is sweep you into my arms and tell you I care about you. All I want to do is stare into your eyes, hold you and tell you that you are truely worthwhile, and never to let any guy make you feel any less. I have a week left of this feeling, I don't know how I will feel after. All I hear is the beating of my own heart. And, its longing. |
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| Girl Gets Around |
[Jul. 21st, 2004|11:00 pm] |
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I discover today that Sammy Hagar is a maniac, he should have never written The Girl Gets Around. |
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| A Real Entry |
[Jul. 20th, 2004|11:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Being Alive (again) | ] |
These past few weeks, have been nothing less than... interesting. I've learned alot. I learned about life, I learned about love, and I learned about friendship. I got done to me, what I have been doing to girls for the past 2 years. I got hurt. But I learned what the people I hurt went through and I learned where true anger comes from. Love, love is a truely complex thing, having never been in love myself I have no idea where it comes from. But it's a feeling deep down, it's somthing that everyone searchs for. It it wasn't for love then the world could not exist. It is the constant search for love, and finding which makes life go on. And once you find that someone, or somthing, that you can truely commit to you have reached compleate fufillment. But once you find love, you musn't fall out of it, you must find new ways to keep it going to keep it alive. And I learned about friendship. Once I was hurt, I turned to some very good friends. I talked to them and they gave me very good advice. I also turned to someone I never thought I would turn to, an ex. It was awkward, and she helped me, I thought that everyone needs a good friend. Through her I discovered that no guy is good enough for any girl. Guys are assholes, and nice guys come few, and far between. I want to be a nice guy. |
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| Survey Stolen from Emma |
[Jul. 20th, 2004|07:49 pm] |
PRiVATE LiFE .o.
o. Have you ever been in love: Not true love
o. How many hearts have you broken: Too many
o. How many people broke your heart: One
o. Do you go more by looks or personality: Everything starts from looks, it's the personality that keeps you comming back.
o. Do you smoke: no
o. How about weed: no
o. Acid: no
o. Ecstasy: no
o. Crack, heroin, anything else: no
.o. WOULD YOU EVER .o.
o. Bungee jump: yes
o. Skydive: yes
o. Swim with dolphins: done it, would do it again
o. Scuba dive: done it, would do it again
o. Go rock climbing: done it, would do it again
o. Change your religion: done it
o. Turn your back on your friends for personal gain: done it
o. Crossdress: done it
o. Lie to the police: yea I would
o. Speed away from the police: are they chasing me?
o. Walk up to a total stranger and kiss them: done it, ask emma, she was there
o. Be an exotic dancer: how do you think i'm getting through college?
o. Walk out of a restaurant without paying: no, that's just rude
.o. FRiENDS .o.
o. Best friend(s): ...
o. Wish you talked to more: everyone
o. How many friends do you think you have: a few
o. Who drives you insane?: no one, yet everyone
o. Ever lose a good friend because you took it to the next level: yea...
.o. HAVE YOU EVER .o.
o. Told the person you liked how you felt: Yea, doesn't work
o. Gotten really REALLY wasted: no, but i've felt like i've needed to
o. Gone to jail/juvenile detention: no
o. Skateboarded: not well
o. Skinny dipped: it's me come on, of course
o. Stolen anything from a store: no
o. Been to a concert: deffinatly
o. Been to another country: yep
o. Talked back to an adult: Hell yes
o. Given money to some homeless person: Yes, most people say they would give them food, but if you were homeless wouldn't you rather be drunk or high? It's better than sitting there pondering what happened.
o. Tried to kill yourself: thought bout it
o. Cried to get out of trouble: yep
o. Kissed a friend's brother/sister: yep
.o. THE LAST THiNG .o.
o. You ate: Pizza Pockets
o. You drank: Mint and oreo milkshake
o. The last place you went: Coldstone's
o. Last thing you bought: Milkshake
o. Last person you saw: Girls at Coldstone's
o. Last person you talked to: Mommy
o. Last song you heard: Somthing from the Boy from Oz
.o. HMMM... .o.
o. Do you like cows: Milk :-D
o. Do the voices talk only to you: Always
o. Are you straight: it's me...
o. Are you short: no
o. Do you own a hot pink shirt: no, i need one though
o. Do you like Marilyn Manson: no
o. Do you shop at Hot Topic: ocasionally
o. Do you remember your dreams: never
o. Can people read you like a book: depends
o. Do you talk a lot: bout stupid shit
o. Are you afraid of clowns: no
o. Can you drive: yes
o. You an only child: unfortonatly no
Type your username with your:
nose - ledsingerwannab
elbow - o3ewadesingdrdsanbbavv (i need more practice)
tongue - leadsingerwannab
chin - lllllllllllldzxgfnnzb
foot - leaesoiknvgberwwwwwwabnnzab
eyes closed - leadsingerwannab |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|10:25 pm] |
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To all guys who read this, don't be a nice guy, they'll only be ungreatful. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2004|10:30 pm] |
It's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright
You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things
And it's worth it just to hear you say you're going to give me everything
So why on earth should I moan, 'cause when I get you alone
You know I feel ok
When I'm home everything seems to be right
When I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight
Owww!
So why on earth should I moan, 'cause when I get you alone
You know I feel ok
When I'm home everything seems to be right
When I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight, yeah
It's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright
You know I feel alright
You know I feel alright... |
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| Being Alive |
[Jul. 13th, 2004|11:11 pm] |
Someone to hold you too close,
Someone to hurt you too deep,
Someone to sit in your chair,
To ruin your sleep.
Someone to need you too much,
Someone to know you too well,
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell.
Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone who, like it or not,
Will want you to share
A little, a lot.
Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care,
Someone to make you come through,
Who'll always be there,
As frightened as you
Of being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive.
Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.
Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.
Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.
Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive! |
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| Fuck It |
[Jul. 11th, 2004|11:38 am] |
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I don't care anymore, just fuck it. |
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| Ugh. |
[Jul. 7th, 2004|09:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
Wow, in life there are events. Events where you fuck stuff up. And you think, I could never fuck up worse than this. Then another good thing comes along and you fuck it up, for one reason or another. Maybe you did it on purpose, or maybe you thought you were doing somthing right. But somehow you fuck up a good thing. Maybe you can fix it or maybe it will never be the same, only time can tell. And there's alway hope, always the hope and knowlege that you're going to fuck up worse next time. As I always say, oh well. |
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| Confused |
[Jul. 7th, 2004|04:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
Confused, Nuff said. |
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| Life and Stuff |
[Jul. 5th, 2004|11:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sexual Healing | ] |
Ok here's what I did today. I layed around the house until 2:30. I ate, played video games, etc. Then I went to school, we worked on tap for show choir, that was interesting. Then I had voice lessons, which is benifitial as always. We figured out I have a bad tone memory, and that's what wer'e working on. No wonder I always drift to the melody when I sing parts. Then I came back home and chilled and watched Robin Williams Live on Broadway, which is amazing and extremely intellegent. That is what guys look like. We know who goes first. Well that's *most* of my day, I'm out. |
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