Life and Times

Promises

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 14:11:27 GMT

I broke the promise I held closest to my heart. I hurt the girl I love, the girl I would die for, the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't deserve to live. But I have to, because if I don't it will hurt her even more. I have become what I hate the most. People hate me and I accept that. But I can't live with her hating me. I think she still loves me, even if she can't trust me anymore. I can barely trust myself. I've messed up big this time, all I can do now is hope. But I do love her, I love her with all my hear and soul and will go to the ends of the Earth to bring her back, I've lost her once I'm not going to lose her again.

Suz's Friend's Survey

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 04:02:22 GMT

Have you ever?
**************************************************************
1. Been Kissed: yes

2. Done drugs: nope, not saying I wouldn't though

3. Eaten an entire box of Oreos? nope

4. Eaten sushi? yep

5. Been on stage: I'm rarely not on one

6. Been dumped: yes

7. Has someone been unfaithful to you: i've never asked

8. Gotten in a car accident: yes
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Either/Or
**************************************************************
9. Cold or hot: cold

10. Blue or Red: red

11. Rain or snow: snow

12. Give or receive: give

13. Wool or cotton: cotton

14. Rose or daisy: rose

15. Private school or public school: public school

16. Chocolate or plain milk: plain

17. Celsius or Fahrenheit: Celsius

18. Spring or fall: Fall

19. History or Science: History!

20. Math or English: Math

21. Alternative or Country: Alternative
**************************************************************
Opposite sex
**************************************************************
22. Do you like someone right now from the opposite sex? yes

23. Do they know? yes

24. What do you look for in a woman or man? Pretty, but not too beautiful when, they're too beautiful they think of them first and you second. And she has to be athletic, someone I can hit fly balls to and she'll catch every one of them. Someone who goes to movies, read books, and see plays, and we'll never run out of conversation.
**************************************************************
Your Friends
**************************************************************
25. Who's your funniest friend? Kenny

26. Who makes you laugh/smile the most? Suz!

27.Best Friend? Baldwin

28. Who's the shyest? Adam Kendrick (when it comes to girls)

29. Whose parents do you know the best? Maddy's

30. Who are you jealous of? Married people, and people old enough to get married.

31. Who has the best room? Suz?
****************************************************************
Within the last 24 hours
**************************************************************
32. Had a serious talk? yep

33. Hugged someone? yes

34. Gotten along with your parents? ish

35. Fought with a friend? no
**************************************************************
Do you like to
**************************************************************
36. Give hugs? yes!

37. Give back rubs? all the time, but people rarely recipricate

38. Take walks in the rain? i want to

39. What WILL you do this summer? you have no idea
***************************************************************
Which one of your friends?
**************************************************************
40. Is most likely to grow up to be a singer? pass

41. Which one knows most about you: Everyone

42. Is most likely to become a comedian: Baldwin

43. Have you known the longest: Most equally

44. Do you know most about: Suz

45. Who will send this back the quickest: unessecery question

46. Best friends: Baldwin

47. Always in trouble: Maddy

48. Most likely to end up in jail: tried, but not found guilty
**************************************************************
Have you Ever
**************************************************************
49. Been to a concert: deffinatly

50. Loved someone so much it made you cry: yes, actually done it

51. Cheated on a test: no

52. Bought something and then saw it cheaper somewhere else? always

53. Stolen Something: yes

54. Stalked someone: no
**************************************************************
Love
**************************************************************
55. Single or Hooked: Hooked and whipped

56. Do you have any anniversaries? August 3rd 12:12 AM

57. Parents anniversary? The hell if I know

58. Who is your biggest crush: Suz... but it's ot exactly a crush if we're together

59. If you were gonna go out with anyone who would it be: I do and it's Suz

60. Have you had a lot of bf's/gf's: Far to many

61. Have you ever had an online relationship? yes, but i met them in person first, they just lived far away **************************************************************
Others
**************************************************************
62. What is your worst habit: poor descision making

63. What really makes you mad: Dumb people

64. Scariest moment: nearly falling down Hollywood Rapid

65. Happiest moment: whenever I'm thinking about Suz

66. Do you swear too much: Not too much, I could do it more

67. How do you feel about homosexuals: Let people love whoever they want, male or female, or animal, or inanimate objects, don't try to understand the matters of the heart.

68. Do u dress like a slut/prep/snob/sporty/or just plain: whatever Emma and Suz tell me to wear
**************************************************************
NOW
**************************************************************
69. When was the last time you showered? This mornin

70. What color pants do you have on right now? Pants?

71. What song are you listening to right now? nothing at the moment

72. What is the last thing that you said? last thing that you said

73. What is your computer desk made of? wood

74. What are the last 4 digits in your phone number? 1186

75. What was the last thing you ate? pork and baked potatos

76. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Black, a mixture of all colors and emotions

77. Who would you want to spend the rest of your life with: SUZANNE CASEY

78. Do you have a lava lamp? yes

79. How many buddies do you have on your list? 200

80. What did you do last night? Drafted

81. Last person that you talked to on the phone? Suzanne, I'm talking to her now

82. What's the nicest thing you find about the opposite sex? intellegence

83. Who do you admire most? Suz

84. What is the nicest present you've gotten this year: a smile

85. How do you eat an OREO? wet

86. Fav M&M? peanut

87. Who makes you happy? Suz

88. Fave CD? Lippa's Wild Party (right now)

89. Height? 6'

90. Are you a loser? yep

91. Last CD you bought: Assassins (2004)

92. Have you ever won any special awards? yes

93. What do you want to be when you grow up? Anthing that has to do with theater, or a lawyer

94. What are your future goals: Stay in love, be sucessful

95. If you were an animal what would you be? A hawk

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 02:47:17 GMT

I LOVE SUZANNE CASEY, that's all that really matters.

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 15:54:41 GMT

Another week of rehersal goes by, another week towards me needing to be off book, and another week till opening as well as the begining of school. As usual I've spent most of this past week, rehersaing or being with Suzanne. Tonight I'm going to the Top Hats at Ft. Lee with the hope that the 7 Brothers will beat out Brian Vaughn for Best Supporting Actor(s). Unlikely shot. I'm not going to be able to see Suz tomarrow :-( that makes me sad. But I'll see her Monday. Well thats the update. Peace out.

Wonderful Weekend

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 01:51:01 GMT

I spent yet another wonderful weekend with the girl I'm in love with. Friday, we got SPARC kids to go see The Robber Bridegroom at the Dell. It was a good production of a decent show. Then Emma, Drew and Suz, spent the night at my house. We got LOTS of inside jokes out of that night. Like cats on the computer, attacking hamsters, and Secrataries, that are toys. Sat. I spent the morning with Suzanne, then she had to go to work, so I walked around Maymont with Emma. Then I taught Emma how to drive a manual car, she's not that bad, she learned faster than I did. But there is somthing to be said about a good teacher. She drove us home in my car, then I had dinner with her family, which was fun. The we went to harass Suz at Brewsters, and she got off work early and the three of us went to Spiderman the Musical at Comedy Alley, cuz it was Drew's last preformance. It was good, I enjoyed it, it wasn't your typical night at the theater. Then Emma and I spent the night at Suz's house because we went to church with her the next morning. Going to chuch was interesting, it was an episcopal church which is different from what I'm used to. We did alot of kneeling. Well the service was over, then I took Emma home, then went to my own home for an hour before I left again to go to rehersal. Rehersal was fine. And now I'm back at home, waiting to see Suz tomarrow, it feels like an eternity.

FINALLY

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 03:01:47 GMT

I've just had the greatest two days and nights of my life. I've just spent an entire 48 hours with my beautiful, wonderful, sweet, sassy, and great girlfriend. Whom I love dearly. I can't stand being away from her, I just want to hold her and kiss her, every second of every day. I want to hold her in my arms every night. I want to tell her I love her. And hear her say it back. I hear her say it back and bad that has ever happened to me goes away, the only thing I can think about it her. I am so happy right now, I'm down right giddy. This one, is the one I want to be with.

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 04:45:28 GMT

I have been walking on air for the past couple of days. Every bumpy patch in the road of my life that has occured within the past few weeks have all been smoothed out. I've been extremely happy and content. I can only hope it stays this way or get better. We'll see how things go from here.

-I've never EVER been more sure of anything in my entire life.

A Happy Entry (for once)

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 02:16:41 GMT

Well, all is right with the world for once. And for once I'm not writing an entry that could be put to music and used as an emo song. The past few days have been fun. I went to lunch with Emma and Suzanne yesterday then we went to a few thrift shops where I found a cork waiter tray for Emma's mom. Then we went to Short Pump mall thingy where I spent copious amounts of money on new clothes because to hot girls made me put them on. Which I greatly appreciate. Then we said out goodbyes and went home. Once I got home I was promptly beckoned to go over to an X-Gf's house for a party, which didn't turn out so well. Lots of drama happened by the end, and she wasn't happy :-(. I stayed a lil while after to comfort her, then I went home cuz I had to. Today I worked at the Empire Theater on Footloose stuff for 6 hours, which wasn't that bad I learned alot. After that I went to my X-Gf's house again, to comfort her somemore, but she wasn't there, but I did end up talking to her mom about life an Philosophy for about two hours. She came home eventually and then I gaver her and her sister a ride to her sister's friend's house. Then I went to Barnes and Nobels and bought Assassins (which is amazing) and Caitlin saw me without me seeing her. I found my X-Gf's phone in my pocket, went back gave it to her mom, then came home and talked to friends.

And in closing. Caitlin is hot, and I'm glad Suzanne is my friend.

A response to a comment

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 10:50:21 GMT

If I was full of shit why the hell would I take my time to write that. This journal is for me, not for all the people that are reading it. I write what I feel. Alot of people may not belive me but thats fine I could care less, I'm known as a whore in most of Chesterfield County. Little do you know I can care, I can have feelings about a girl. I would give up every fling I have ever had, and every fling I every will have for 6 months with a girl I truely care about, with one who truely cares about me. If you think I'm full of shit, then just fuck off, I don't give a damn about people that can't have sympathy for fellow human beings. I know I haven't been the best boyfriend to my past girlfriends, but I want to change, damnit do I want to change. Now, I just need the chance.

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 02:52:07 GMT

Everytime I see you all I want to do is sweep you into my arms and tell you I care about you. All I want to do is stare into your eyes, hold you and tell you that you are truely worthwhile, and never to let any guy make you feel any less. I have a week left of this feeling, I don't know how I will feel after. All I hear is the beating of my own heart. And, its longing.

Girl Gets Around

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 03:00:21 GMT

I discover today that Sammy Hagar is a maniac, he should have never written The Girl Gets Around.

A Real Entry

Wed, 21 Jul 2004 03:28:25 GMT

These past few weeks, have been nothing less than... interesting. I've learned alot. I learned about life, I learned about love, and I learned about friendship. I got done to me, what I have been doing to girls for the past 2 years. I got hurt. But I learned what the people I hurt went through and I learned where true anger comes from. Love, love is a truely complex thing, having never been in love myself I have no idea where it comes from. But it's a feeling deep down, it's somthing that everyone searchs for. It it wasn't for love then the world could not exist. It is the constant search for love, and finding which makes life go on. And once you find that someone, or somthing, that you can truely commit to you have reached compleate fufillment. But once you find love, you musn't fall out of it, you must find new ways to keep it going to keep it alive. And I learned about friendship. Once I was hurt, I turned to some very good friends. I talked to them and they gave me very good advice. I also turned to someone I never thought I would turn to, an ex. It was awkward, and she helped me, I thought that everyone needs a good friend. Through her I discovered that no guy is good enough for any girl. Guys are assholes, and nice guys come few, and far between. I want to be a nice guy.

Survey Stolen from Emma

Tue, 20 Jul 2004 23:49:13 GMT

PRiVATE LiFE .o.
o. Have you ever been in love: Not true love
o. How many hearts have you broken: Too many
o. How many people broke your heart: One
o. Do you go more by looks or personality: Everything starts from looks, it's the personality that keeps you comming back.
o. Do you smoke: no
o. How about weed: no
o. Acid: no
o. Ecstasy: no
o. Crack, heroin, anything else: no

.o. WOULD YOU EVER .o.
o. Bungee jump: yes
o. Skydive: yes
o. Swim with dolphins: done it, would do it again
o. Scuba dive: done it, would do it again
o. Go rock climbing: done it, would do it again
o. Change your religion: done it
o. Turn your back on your friends for personal gain: done it
o. Crossdress: done it
o. Lie to the police: yea I would
o. Speed away from the police: are they chasing me?
o. Walk up to a total stranger and kiss them: done it, ask emma, she was there
o. Be an exotic dancer: how do you think i'm getting through college?
o. Walk out of a restaurant without paying: no, that's just rude

.o. FRiENDS .o.
o. Best friend(s): ...
o. Wish you talked to more: everyone
o. How many friends do you think you have: a few
o. Who drives you insane?: no one, yet everyone
o. Ever lose a good friend because you took it to the next level: yea...

.o. HAVE YOU EVER .o.
o. Told the person you liked how you felt: Yea, doesn't work
o. Gotten really REALLY wasted: no, but i've felt like i've needed to
o. Gone to jail/juvenile detention: no
o. Skateboarded: not well
o. Skinny dipped: it's me come on, of course
o. Stolen anything from a store: no
o. Been to a concert: deffinatly
o. Been to another country: yep
o. Talked back to an adult: Hell yes
o. Given money to some homeless person: Yes, most people say they would give them food, but if you were homeless wouldn't you rather be drunk or high? It's better than sitting there pondering what happened.
o. Tried to kill yourself: thought bout it
o. Cried to get out of trouble: yep
o. Kissed a friend's brother/sister: yep

.o. THE LAST THiNG .o.
o. You ate: Pizza Pockets
o. You drank: Mint and oreo milkshake
o. The last place you went: Coldstone's
o. Last thing you bought: Milkshake
o. Last person you saw: Girls at Coldstone's
o. Last person you talked to: Mommy
o. Last song you heard: Somthing from the Boy from Oz

.o. HMMM... .o.
o. Do you like cows: Milk :-D
o. Do the voices talk only to you: Always
o. Are you straight: it's me...
o. Are you short: no
o. Do you own a hot pink shirt: no, i need one though
o. Do you like Marilyn Manson: no
o. Do you shop at Hot Topic: ocasionally
o. Do you remember your dreams: never
o. Can people read you like a book: depends
o. Do you talk a lot: bout stupid shit
o. Are you afraid of clowns: no
o. Can you drive: yes
o. You an only child: unfortonatly no

Type your username with your:

nose - ledsingerwannab

elbow - o3ewadesingdrdsanbbavv (i need more practice)

tongue - leadsingerwannab

chin - lllllllllllldzxgfnnzb

foot - leaesoiknvgberwwwwwwabnnzab

eyes closed - leadsingerwannab

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 02:25:31 GMT

To all guys who read this, don't be a nice guy, they'll only be ungreatful.

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 02:30:20 GMT

It's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright

You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things
And it's worth it just to hear you say you're going to give me everything
So why on earth should I moan, 'cause when I get you alone
You know I feel ok

When I'm home everything seems to be right
When I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight

Owww!

So why on earth should I moan, 'cause when I get you alone
You know I feel ok

When I'm home everything seems to be right
When I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight, yeah

It's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright
You know I feel alright
You know I feel alright...

Being Alive

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 03:11:51 GMT

Someone to hold you too close,
Someone to hurt you too deep,
Someone to sit in your chair,
To ruin your sleep.

Someone to need you too much,
Someone to know you too well,
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell.

Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone who, like it or not,
Will want you to share
A little, a lot.

Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care,
Someone to make you come through,
Who'll always be there,
As frightened as you
Of being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive.

Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.

Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.

Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive!

Fuck It

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 15:38:55 GMT

I don't care anymore, just fuck it.

Ugh.

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 01:01:06 GMT

Wow, in life there are events. Events where you fuck stuff up. And you think, I could never fuck up worse than this. Then another good thing comes along and you fuck it up, for one reason or another. Maybe you did it on purpose, or maybe you thought you were doing somthing right. But somehow you fuck up a good thing. Maybe you can fix it or maybe it will never be the same, only time can tell. And there's alway hope, always the hope and knowlege that you're going to fuck up worse next time. As I always say, oh well.

Confused

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 20:29:45 GMT

Confused, Nuff said.

Life and Stuff

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 03:29:13 GMT

Ok here's what I did today. I layed around the house until 2:30. I ate, played video games, etc. Then I went to school, we worked on tap for show choir, that was interesting. Then I had voice lessons, which is benifitial as always. We figured out I have a bad tone memory, and that's what wer'e working on. No wonder I always drift to the melody when I sing parts. Then I came back home and chilled and watched Robin Williams Live on Broadway, which is amazing and extremely intellegent. That is what guys look like. We know who goes first. Well that's *most* of my day, I'm out.

4th of July

Mon, 05 Jul 2004 02:17:50 GMT

Today was X, I worked from 12-9 which prevented me from doing anything. So I didn't have any fun. No parties, didn't see fireworks, and didn't even make fireworks. Ugh, I don't have rehersal tomarrow so it makes me even more sad. Oh well.

Random morning thoughts

Sat, 03 Jul 2004 11:39:51 GMT

My life is boring, at least the parts I can tell you. I was up until 1:30 talking on the phone to... yea. I eventually fell asleep after a wonderful conversation with a friend. You can see how early I woke up, damn 7 thats far to early. I feel like a bad teenager. But I redeem my teenagedom by watching pathetic teenage melodramas like Dawson's Creek at 7 in the morning. Hey don't knock, I like it. SWEET I just found out that the Birdcage comes on tonight, on ABC Family none the less. Now, explain to me why a family channel would put on a movie about crossdressers? O well it's a good movie (Nathan Lane and Robin Williams) SPARC is fun. I don't do much though, I'm only in three numbers and three scenes. That's what I get for being the bad boyfriend. Haha getting into character is fun. Well I'm not working today, so if you want to do somthing, call me. I am working tomarrow 12-8 then I can enjoy my 4th of July. I'll see ya when I see ya. Out.

Entry Ten

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 03:25:10 GMT

Today was really good. SPARC was the same as usual, I didn't do anything. I think I might tomarrow :-D. SPARC was the same old thing. Bobby came again. It was fun, I found out I was a gorilla and a lamp, good times. After SPARC I went home, then to sleep until about sixish. Then had dinner. Then watched the Prophecy wish Christopher Walken in it. It's a crazy movie. It was a good day today. Cept I didn't get my secret pal a gift :-\ I'll go buy somthing in the morning. Out.

Entry Nine

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 22:39:33 GMT

I had somthing to talk about, but I can't remember what it is. Oh well. Today was good. I didn't really do anything in SPARC except work on my song because I can't be in the numbers they were working on today. The relationships are getting more and more interesting as time goes by, it's quite amusing. Anyway after SPARC there we had a guest speaker named Bobby, he's been on Broadway. He was funny, and we learned some stuff too. I kept on harassing him. It was good times. After SPARC I had to go to a meeting with my dad, and pick up my sister. Inbetween we went to Barnes and Nobles. I bought the Caroline or Change cd. It is AMAZING. It makes me want to be a black women. I have to think of a non-musical theater lyric that I like. I have no idea what I'm going to pick. I'll write more later.

Entry Eight

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 03:02:33 GMT

Oh what a tangle web we weave. And now my puzzlement gets more complex.